"Strive for Omnipotence, Strive for Simplicity."

2004-01-05T23:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a good run......

But, alas, all good things must come to an end. This is one of them.
I've decided to close this blog and star anew someware else. Although, you will have to figure out the link for yourself.

I bid you all adue.

However I leave you with two clues to find the new one.

1> it's on diaryland now
2> C*****M****r

2003-12-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

it's 3:30am in the morning on december 28th.
I can't sleep. I'm in emense amounts of pain and it hurts to move but i couldn't stay in bed for some reason.
I have no idea really why i'm typing this, maybe some reason will be found but i doubt it.
I'm slowly turning into some kind of vampiric creature. can't stand sunlight, is wide awake at 3:30 in the morning.
I left my cell on in my room tonight. at 2:53am, it started yelling screaming and beeping at me.....it's alarm went off. I don't remember setting an alarm on it. But for some reason it went off. I checked the alarm thing on it....it was set to off, I still do'nt understand why it went off. Did something important happen at 2:53am? I honestly don't know, but I know now to turn the stupid thing off at night if it's in my room.

My stomach is yelling at me now. interesting, hungry for once. I 've had to force food down my esophagus....(too much bio for me), recently. No idea why, maybe i'll figure it out, just like i'm still trying to figure out what exactly it is i'm typing.
I think i'm half awake, I can't really tell over the pain i'm feeling at this moment.

I'm glad christmas is over, last week was aweful, but i came through with minimal bumps, scrapes, and bruses. Hopefully things can only get better.

The difference between and optimist and a pesimist is: The pesimist says "Things can't get any worse then this", and the optomist says "oh yes it can!"
- The best of teh best of bridge cook book.

I sware those women are the most cynical people in the world. Get a group of middle aged women playing bridge and making a cook book and look out. And I thought I was bitter and cynical.

Oh well, I now know that if I'm ever in a really bitter mood, I'll just read one of the many books we have in this house.

Still not tired, but i may as well try to sleep.
goodnight all

2003-12-24T12:03:00.000-08:00

Typed without thinking in class one day.

And the re-afermation continues to drill through my mind like a hundred rusty screws.
No longer does it have any purpose.
it breaks off when it hits anything unpentrable leaving the sharp pointy tip as a reminder that it is there. Continuing to rust away at my mind.
No I don't need to be told that Iam beautiful by people just out of the blue, for it feels incenceer. Almost as if they feel sorry for me so they have to say something nice to me. Maybe they're one of those people that try to do at least one nice thing a year and throw it in at the last minute before the year fails into another.
I will never know the answer to that, for I will never say anything back to someone.
I am secluded from the world, my mind is trapped in a vice and wants to escape. chains are wrapped and bolted closed, no escape.
My mind wants to be free.

I can't feel anything anymore. I look from person to person, looking in their eyes wondering if i can find anything there at all. I see their soul in thier eyes, but I feel nothing.
No butterflies, no hatred, no happyness. no nothing.
I'm trapped, no light, no sence of place. - unknown

The floor falls out from under me, and I fall.
Through a darkness of the world, I continue the endless fall.
Not knowing when or if there is an end
All that exists is darkness and falling.
Freely, just let go. - unknown

2003-12-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

Saw the Return of the King last night. my opinion? god it's way too long. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to long. then again, the excessive waiting for 2 and 1/2 hours befor ehand might not have helped, spent 6 hours in the theatre.
There's a few moments that my friends would appreciate. As well as many creative one liners from gimli. Very good movie, but way way way way way to long. ehem
yes someone is going to say i told you so and another one is going to ask if i fell asleep.
no, i didn't fall asleep but i came pretty damn close. every time a character closed their eyes to go to sleep, lie down or die, i felt teh sudden urge to fall over and go to sleep.

2003-12-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

(0x87b8628)

"Which Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?"
brought to you by Quizilla

Riku

Which Kingdom Hearts Character are You Most Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

Dear god, my day was made when I heard the phrase 'sheep concentration camps'.
someone think of the sheep *falls over*. oh my, that was amusing.

2003-12-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

Since blogger is down, I have resorted to using word until it decides to work. Going to be using a different site soon, blogger is making be bitter.
Again, it’s social class, and I can’t concentrate. I want to go home, curl up with my blanket, dog, and a friend, and play on my pretty ps2. Lots of homework lined up for the winter break, 3 weeks, lots of work to do. Which is alright….I guess.
Going to be doing my bio project over the break as well, which I will keep the occasional update on, photos and whatnot. Anyone want a fish? If they live >.<. Oh that would be sad if they all died, which is why I’m going to have a backup pair.
I had a family birthday Monday night…it was interesting to say the least. I think there was a bad combination of food, which caused me to feel quite ill. I have cake left over, hurrah…lets gain another 10lbs shall we? Of course not.
I bought myself a birthday pressy, Kingdom Hearts. So pretty and fun….alas, I have no memory card.* grumbles * So I can’t save. Oh well, my dad is going to hook it up to the tv so I can play dvds on it, hurrah, lets watch Pirates of the Caribbean until I can’t stay awake any longer. Whee, I can’t concentrate, I can hardly concentrate enough to write this. Things are ringing, I have the signs on a migraine (going to go take something for it), and Chuck is still going through his ghetto stage. * sigh *
Alas I can only hope that this phase of his will end. Maybe one day I’ll walk into the school and hear yet again; a ‘good morning’ or ‘oh look, it’s the dynamic duo’. Not ‘Yo momma’ or ‘wats happinen’. Maybe one day, if I hope and prey enough the phase will pass. Maybe…
Just realized I haven’t read enough to complete this one assignment, and that I left all my calm at home so I can’t really do that either. Oh well, I’ll wing it and pretend that I know what I’m doing, possibly avoiding step again, not too sure or not but I can try. And try I will, for step is a thing I don’t wish to experience, sadly at my rate, I probably will but, I’ll put it off as long as possible.
So I can now legally drive on my own…..scary thought isn’t it? My tester was incredibly nice and lenient. She promised to take into account the fact that there is a lot of snow on the roads. So I only had to do each park once, made life easier. So in a few days, I will have my new id, sadly with a photo that I actually like, well I did last night anyway. I’ll have to see if I like it when I get the card. I’m curious as to what colour they will say my hair is. For the majority of it is black, but my roots are blonde and obvious. So we shall see what we shall see.
(chuck is attempting to force all of us to drink coffee…..oh lordy, they’re picking on me >.<. greeeeeeeat they want to stick a ‘I love Alberta beef’ sticker on my locker. * grumbles *….I’m going to cry, the conversation has gone from mildly amusing to just downright sad….sad….here comes chuck, save and pack up.

2003-12-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

stupid peice of shit ps2, doesn't play dvds. GAH! *stroms off*

2003-12-14T22:37:00.000-08:00

I paid my last respects this morning on an early grave
Already said goodbye nothing left to say
A tiny church, a tiny town and not a tear was spent
Not how I wanted it I'm hating all of this

Well I'm hating, All of this, I'm hating,
All of this, All of this, All of this

Now I know why I hide my love from you some days
No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me
You came along and tore this wall down around me
Looks like you found me, now I know why
I felt like shit when I woke up this morning

I've been a loser all my life I'm not about to change
If you don't like it, there's the door nobody made you stay
There ain't a woman on the planet who can deal with it
Just how I wanted it I'm hating all of this

Well I'm hating, All of this, I'm hating,
All of this, All of this, All of this

Now I know why I hide my love from you some days
No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me
You came along and tore this wall down around me
Looks like you found me, now I know why
I felt like shit when I woke up this morning

Well I'm hating, All of this, I'm hating,
All of this, All of this, All of this

Now I know why I hide my love from you some days
No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me
You came along and tore this wall down around me
Looks like you found me, now I know why
I felt like shit when I woke up this morning
(repeat)

(Nickleback.)

I was listening to this today while colouring with my crayons. It was there I found my sanity

2003-12-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

Here I am again, typing in a small box that's not even an inch in length, so everything I type leaves my vision before I have time to look over it, so bear with me.

Thursday moring, and like always, I'm in social class. The sun is glaring at me through the window. Now I'm seeing spots, note to selt, don't look at the window, it's to brights.
crap, close window, look like I'm doing something productive....

done, note, always look like you're doing something when you're not. make sure you have sufficient books and papers spread out all around you so it looks like you're actually doing something. That way the teacher will leave you alone.
getting ancy again, might end up going home early. whoot *falls over*....
hey....matt's listening to classical music. that's refreshing. note to self, buy aaa batteries so I can listen to music while I do my work. Thus causing me to drown out the world.

have run out of ideas to type about so farethee well.

2003-12-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

I found my cd's, slept for 3 hours, and walked around downtown with no purpose for 2 hours, got on the bus I usually get on after school...just at a compleetly different stop. flipped out at about 8 different strangers during my walk....by the 10th i realized I should probably go home.

2003-12-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

I’m sitting here in social…yet again, it seems to be a theme, then again I always sit at a computer during social so I would expect myself to be writing right now.
Current situation, one hour of school left, I can hardly concentrate, I’m having issues with a cyst that has been annoying me the past few days. And I’m sitting in chucks noisy social class with a migraine, oh it hurts, it hurts, it’s loud. Oh look, there go paul.
people are freaking out, I can hardly move at the moment, but I need to go ask for an assignment. I’m trying to figure out what to do.

This post is completely pointless and has no meaning what so ever, wait I’ll make it meaningful….

Now paul will type something meaningful.
Cold days are stupid. And when you say you’ll have a good day. You wont. When you say you’ll have a bad day then you’ll have a bad day. Monday’s are almost as bad as Sunday nights.

wow paul, thank you that was meaningful…..as he walks away, DORK.

stress is fun, I’m ok, I’m going to just sit and stare at the wall for the next 50 minutes. Fare the well.

2003-12-06T22:21:00.000-08:00

The only song keeping me going at the moment, and I don't even have the cd right now...
fuck...
need another shower.

Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defences
Helpless to resist the notes I write
For i compose the Music of the Night

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is beliveing, music is decieving,
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight,
Dare you trust the Music of the Night

Close you eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth,
And the truth isn't what you want to see,
In the dark it is easy to pretend..
That the truth is what it ought to be.

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night

Close your eyes start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Close your eyes and let music set you Free....
Only then can you belong to me.

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night.

2003-12-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

I have no concentration what so ever...again. *sigh* this seems to be a reoccuring theme with me and this class. It's not that it's borning, i'm just ancy, tired, going to go crazy. give it a couple more days, and i know i will have had a breakdown again. this seems to happen alot now a days, but that's ok. for i get over it and keep moving....right?

I'm typing in a box that's 1cm by 1cm, everything I see is slowly dissapearing after I type it so I have no idea what my spelling is like this time. Oh well.....attention, fleeting....
*singing* I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts....

2003-12-03T08:14:00.000-08:00

five minutes after I finish posting the last thing, I'm back here....why? because I have no patience and I want to run around in circles. I'm feeling ancy and i'm figiting in my seat. Good thing I'm hiding behind this computer or chuck would find some way to tease me for it.
I think this comes along with either a lack or too much sugar, I'm not quite sure....so lets go through what i ate this morning. a bun, lutice, cheese, cherios, and yohgurt. Yes all of them have sugar but they're all natural sugars. maybe in dehydrated....i wouldn't know because someone lots my water bottle. *swears several times over*. Now that I think about it, I think that I saw my water bottle yesterday....sitting in the recyling bin. whoot.
note to self, will never lend anything out to anyone again. well not true, I lend things to my locker partner but that's to be expected.
revised note to self: will never lend anything to anyone who's names aren't paul or sanford.
wow, doesn't that show how trusting I am....then I sit and realize. my camera is in my locker, along with my gameboy and game.....and i'm leaving it unlocked....yet i still say that I don't 'trust' people.
well it's true, i'm not one for trusting people anymore. however, I am one for being bitter, nasty, and just downright mean to people. whoot, lets all go idiot hunting.

2003-12-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

9:03am, sitting in social class trying to do homework...failing misserably.
A wave of bad moods has swept over the school, in a way it's relatively amusing to see everyone being bitter to every other person. In another sence it just causes tension. Oh well, that's life.
Lots of reasons for stress, all of which I'm attempting to ignore. My appending stepage that i'll probably get this friday. The play that we're putting on in 8 days, that hardly anyone knows their lines to and none wants to do. and of course the small rivalries between different people in the school. mmm, gotta love that dynamic.
yeah, ok, so it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm actually not. In a sence i'm rather amused at all that is going on.
It shows the dynamic of the school.
How a small group of people in a bad mood can help spread teh bad mood over the entire school population. then again, what do you expect in a school this small. Everyone knows who everyone is, well at least what they look like. So you talk to one person in a bad mood and 5 minutes later someone else will be in a bad mood because a whole pile of other people are in bad moods. It's a viscious cycle. Which just makes me laugh.
For I am going to sit back, be in my own bad mood, and sing stupid annoying songs.

2003-12-01T12:37:00.000-08:00

1:32pm. I'm at home thanks to feeling exceptionally ill. However, in most cases I would've dropped everything and gone to bed, but not today. No today is a special day as I feel like writing at this very moment.

Walking from the lrt station I heard something I couldn't beleive.
I heard a child get brainwashed my his mother. I heard a bias opinion being born inside of the childs mind, which one day will come out to haunt some poor unsuspecting person.
While walking up the stairs, this small innocent child says to his mother, "my new friends name is luke".
cute, innocent, the child is 6.
The innocence is gone the minute the mother responds "well that's a stupid name, isn't it".
Tell a child something when they're that young and they are going to beleive it until someone smacks them in the face and gives them a reality check.

I continued to walk away from this with a feeling of shock and amazement. The mother probably didn't even realize what she had said. One day however it's going to come back and haunt her.
When her child does something to someone because when taht kid was young, his mother told him that a specific name is stupid.

Congradulations a bias oppinion was born.

2003-11-29T20:46:00.000-08:00

November 29th, 2003.
why did I put the date there? no idea really. maybe to remind myself of my looming birthday. that day in wich I will become legal....oh how i dread thee. but I will not complain this year. for it has been a good year, full of fun, friends, and the occasoinal infatuation.

have you ever just stepped out of the shower, dryed off, looked in the mirror realizing how messy your hair is. Then comming to the horrid realization that each and every one of the 8 brushes that you own are all missing.
Sadly this happened today. 10 minutes before I'm supposed to go driving, I'm rampaging around the house trying to find a brush of any kind to put my mane of hair at ease. Also so I don't look like a compleet and totaly idiot. I love my hair, and I treat it well. I just have a thing about loosing my brushes.
I had one yesterday morning. but I lost it someware between morning and evening.
In an attempt to figure out ware it might be I call my mom up and blame her for the missingness of my brushes. She has no idea, then she runs upstairs. comes back down and leaves the house. Leaving me to wonder what the heck she wants with 8 brushes.
10 minutes untill my driving instructor is supposed to show up on my door step. still no brush. 5 minutes later, getting desprate, still in my robe, and still no brush. Hair beginning to dry, with tangles everyware.
Panic starts to kick in. It is usually at this point ware I start to freak out and tare appart everything in search of some type of brushing device. Starting with my room. clothes flying everyware, making it a mess....still no brush. kitchen, for you never know ware a brush might show up. Make yet another mess, still no brush. Desk and dining area. drop part of the puzzle my mom has been working on for the past month....still no brush.
2 minutes, sitll not dressed. I give up for my hunt and run to get dressed. I look in the mirror, use my hand as a brush in hopes that once I find one it wont be too bad.
3:30, he's late. I stit down on the couch. It is at this point ware I feel like I've just been thrown into a fairy tail known as the princess and the pea. I sit up, pull up the cushion on the couch. There is a brush staring back at me. Reaching down in victory. put the cushion back and proceed to brush out the tangles. 1 minutes later, the doorbell rings.
I place the brush down and run out.

I come home later tonight........It's gone again, after I left it on the couch, and none was home in that time period. I sware they're out to get me.

2003-11-16T23:35:00.000-08:00

12:33am, I've finished two social assignments, three calm assignments, and two articles for a large social project.
Eyes are getting droopy, have drunk 3 cans of coke in the past 3 hours.
Mother has decided to stay up with me while I finish all this.
Burned insense to help me concentrate.
vision going blury.

Still have 6 more articles to write, one more calm assignment, and one until in bio to do.

2003-11-15T15:27:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna be an aunt again....shhhhh I'm not supposed to tell, lol.

2003-11-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

10:54pm. sickness seems to be overcomming me and I might be forced to stay home again tomorrow. I don't want to, as I need to get things done. Alas I can't breath properly and I think this illness was braught on by the running through downtown in the cold. So if you go to my school, that would be why I'm not there.

I'm caughing excessively, and recently caughed up blood, I'm going to drink water and go to bed.
take care all

2003-11-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

I'm home sick thanks to an icky stomach ach and now a migrane. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Out of boredom I decided to clean all the water for all my fish......one hour after I started I finished >.<. Oivey. That's all I really feel like saying right now except for:

San, if you read this while you are at school could you please grab me any homework from calm and from my social class (good luck with chuck >.<). Thanks in advance.

2003-10-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

let me break down and cry, let me walk on my own and contemplate. For no matter ware I go there is always someone there to watch me. I can't find a time to be alone. If I walk, passers by and watch. If I'm at home my parents usually find me in my room. And when I'm at school, there is no place to be alone and there would be someone breathing down my neck.

Compleetly different, I'm going to attack the next person who beat boxes. *twich*

2003-10-29T08:21:00.000-08:00

9:18am, In my social class. There is a grand total of 6 people in the class which is normally about 28. Oh wait, it's up to 7 now.

I'm hoping that other people in my school who are online will be able to read on this so I can talk to them, damn computer not letting me use hotmail. Oh well. I have popcorn but I"m not allowed to eat while I'm sitting at the computer. I'm going to just sit here and talk to myself, watching people goof off while the teacheris out of the room.

2003-10-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

yeah......I have 10 fish now, my life really is sad now.
All my fish have names, and they are:
Spazz (my precious)
Napoleon
Ramses the Great
Beethoven
Sanford
Gollum
Nefertiti
Rasputin
King Shcmendric
Tritan

2003-10-25T17:37:00.000-07:00

I am a sad, lonely person.

Why? Because I went from having 2 fish, to one fish.......to six fish. Soon to be seven once I attack the pet store again.
Yes, I am a sad, pathetic person. And i'm taking it out on poor fish who I love. They've all been named, and they're so pretty.

Once my camera has been returned from the manufacturs I will take photos of them.
My fish have the following names.
Spazz (my precious)
Napoleon
Ramses the Great
Beethoven
Sanford
Gollum

Yes those are the names of my fish. As I said, I'm a sad, lonely person.

2003-10-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would ever be doing this. Sitting in my social class listening to Chuck talk and tease the students in the class. Sitting at the computer typing away about what you’re reading right now.

(I am doing work at the same time, I’m just sitting here commenting on what I’m seeing as well)

We all know that certain people annoy me, and I like to grin and bear it. Today not so, as I am bitter thanks to my camera and the fact that no pet stores sell betta fish that aren’t blue or red. Alas I might have to resort to the internet to find the fish I’m looking for.

(mental note to self, when typing in chucks class on something that isn’t social. Have work spread out over a wide space so it looks like I’m doing something productive. At least until he sits down at his table on the other side of the room.)

People who do things for personal gain that’s supposed to be done because you like to help people, annoy me. Ok, so you’re a greedy, spoiled brat who has her entire food schedule planned out for the rest of your life. So you are only in peer support because it looks good on a resume. So you’re only in peer support because you get the scholarship for it. So what if that’s the only reason you’re in it. Voicing it to an entire class isn’t the best idea. It gives people the idea that the peer support group doesn’t care about anyone else but themselves.
I don’t usually rant about people like this, but I’d rather rant then attack and get kicked out of the school.

I will finish this and make it better in my work period.

2003-10-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

Current Mood: Bitter, cynical, and pissed off.

Reason? My camera is dead and I can't get the pictures I took off of it. So I've lost all my retreat photos.

2003-10-20T20:08:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Crash.

(bad photo, but it's the only one i could find)

2003-10-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

Some things make me sad...
it's 4pm, thanksgiving sunday, just arrived home after a wonderful romp in the mall with my best friend. I grab a snack, sit down and prepare to read through my dailies. So, with my peach in one hand and a glass of water in the other, i proceed to carry out what I came down here to do.

First on my list...blogs.
And so it begin, disease that is striking people every ware. Nothing can be done to stop it. A cure has yet to be found. What is it? Writers block. That point ware you sit down to write something and you forget completely what you were going to talk about, let alone why you're sitting there in the first place. Sadly this dilemma has struck most of the authors of my dailies and I am left reading complaints about the world/people, and about how pathetic the little rat hole they live in is. Now there are a few people who are very good at writing about things like this and make it interesting to read. But all of those people are suffering from writers block. Everyone else is either too blind to look at their msn contact information to get a hint, or lacks the ability to fully express themselves properly.

It’s about this time when I came to the horrid, horrid conclusion that….I just bit my finger. And that can only mean one thing. My peach is gone. My delicious peach that I started out with when I came home has disappeared into the darkness that is my stomach. This saddens me, for I have no more peaches. No more peachy flavor for me to enjoy. No, I’m stuck with the fact that I just bit my finger in realization that my peach is being digested. I hope my stomach enjoys the peachiness. For I am still sad that there are no more peaches in my house.

My other dailies have failed to amuse, or inspire me at all. Sad, when the things you rely on for amusement (while on your own, get your mind out of the gutter, not like that), fail you. Sadly I am going to fail you all now and leave it at this.

Goodnight, and happy thanks giving

2003-10-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

7:30am, I wake up walk downstairs, tape the mouse and realize a pile of people tried to talk to me last night. Me being who I am forgot to change the away message to i'm sleeping.
Thanks to sleeping for 16 hours, I am now awake at 7:10 in the morning trying to figure out what to do. All the tv shows I usually watch in the morning whilst preparing to go to school aren't on, on sundays. My father is walking the dogs so I can't take jasper and head out into the cold, crips october morning. So i'll sit here for a while, realize that I'm still not tired enough and go back to sleep. That's a good idea...right?

I need to do something productive right? Of course I do. So I'm going to go and sit and write an email to someone, and then, i dunno.......do something else?
Damn it all, why can't it be like.....9am, then I could call people

2003-10-02T17:26:00.000-07:00

Bye, be back monday.

2003-09-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

I sat down tonight with the intent of writing something with meaning and content. Of course as most people know, when you sit down to write something it almost always will never come out the way you want it to.
Maybe that's what I want.
Friday, 7:30pm, the 143 pulls up to the stop and I hop on, ask the driver if he goes to brentwood and seat myself. I look around at the people around me, a young mother and her baby, an old woman maybe about 60 reading a book (I can't catch the title), afew middle aged men staring blankly out the window, and a young man stading at the door waiting for the next stop. I smile and myself, look out the window. Not blankly, but at the things that are passing by. He pulls to the next stop and three people get on, as we pull away a girls friend bangs on the door. She's left behind.
I've always dreaded this happening. Going on a bus with my friends and one of us getting left behind. She runs after the bus and bangs on the door asking the driver if he can let her on. He tells her no and drives off. In the process appologizing to the friend on the bus, telling her he's not allowed to let people on the bus at certain times. She understands and gets let off not to much later to go retreive her friend.
I look out the front window of the bus and notice the sun rappidly setting in the sky. The pinks, reds, oranges, and yellows dancing on the cloud to a silent tune that they alone can hear. The bus continues. We go through an area I'd never been before. Looking at every house we pass, every person walking on the sidewalk, every tree slowly changing colour. The baby next to me starts crying. I look over and notice the girl trying to help the child. I hear another voice talking to the child, as I look around trying to find ware the voice is comming from I notice that it's the driver. Talking all goofy to the child to make him laugh. I smile at the gesture. I look out the front window again, we've changed directions again and we're now facing c.o.p. Dusk falling over Calgary, none really out on the streets. The occasional person walking with a friend or dog. The mother and the baby get off the bus. The driver says one last goodbye to the child and we drive off. I go back to looking out the window.
More people get on, but I ignore the sound. A gully in between houses and a tennis court. A strange statue in a park with two people running around giggling. It all looks so interesting. Like it has something else to show the world, but you have to wait and see it. I make a mental note to come back here one day. We continue onward and I blank out for a while. Any person walking on the bus at this time would've seen me staring blankly out the window with no knowledge of what's going on around me. I come to my senses after when I realize the sun is almost set.
I never had such appreciation for this time of day until now. We driver through a wealthy looking area, full of large houses with two cars infront of each. A large park with eery looking trees on one side, a large house that looks like something out of a horror movie on the other. A park at dusk. Bright green grass, very well taken care of, not a golf course as it is connected to a playground. A small pond reflecting the sky to the passers by. And a fountain, spraying droplets of water in the air. The wtaer seems like crystal at this time of night, like something you would see in those romantic scene's in a Disney movie. It makes you want to run out and touch it. Hidden by the falling darkness you'd have no idea what is around it, but you still want to go over to it. I make another mental note to come back hear, this time with someone I care about.
We continue through the quiet community, people geting off the bus one at a time, saying goodnight to the driver, as he wishes them well for the days to come. Darkness consumes everything, but not entierly. For when is there ever true darkness in a city like Calgary? There will always be street lights and the occasional car out on the road, that there will never be true darkness. We continue along a stretch of roadway without any street lights, on the the moon, the clouds, and the low hum from the bus's headlights light up the way. It's creepy and beautiful, everything in black and white, so simple.
We cross over a roadway and I realize I know ware I am. I sit back and look out the window, but not as intense as I had afew minutes ago. People get on the bus and the invading lights from overhead come on. My moment is broken. The blank look comes over me again untill I see my stop. I silently get off the bus, wishing the driver well, and carry on my way. I walk home thinking of the park with teh fountain and how I want to go back to that place again.
It all slips my mind the next day as I have more classes to go to. 3pm that day i get on another bus that takes a simelar rout. I go by most of the same things.....they're not the same. So much detail, everything open to eyes. Afew things I hadn't seen before pop out at me and I make the mental note to come back. The drive was much quicker going home this time. There was too much detail to pay attention to. Strange horse sculptures seemed to be a thing for one block, strange, alternating white and black. I notice things I hadn't the night before, some I"m quite glad of. The houses in the area were frighteningly large. A golf course went through an entire neighborhood.
I arrived home with not much to say. Seeing the path I had taken the night before in daylight was nothing compared to dusk, when everything is about to fall asleep. When detail isn't important. Ware things look mysterious and inviting. I'm going to go back and go through that area again, camera in one hand, friend in the other....

2003-09-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm bored, stressed out and I came across this and it made me laugh. so I"m going to post it

Gollum: We wants it, we needs it. Must have precious, they stole it from us! sneaky little hobbitses. wicked, tricksy, false!
Smeagol: No, not master.
Gollum: Yes, precious. False. They will cheat u, hurt u, lie.
Smeagol: Master's my friend!
Gollum: You don't have any friends. Nooobody likes u.
Smeagol: Not listening, I'm not listening.
Gollum: You're a liar, and a thief!
Smeagol: No.
Gollum: Murderer!
Smeagol: Go away.
Gollum: Go away?
Smeagol: I hate you, i hate you!
Gollum: Where would you be without me? Gollum, Gollum. I saved us, it was me, me survived because of me!
Smeagol: Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now, we don't need you.
Gollum: What?
Smeagol: Leave now and never come back!
Gollum: No.
Smeagol: Leave now and never come back!
Gollum: Grrrr!
Smeagol: Leave now and never come back!...... We told him to go away and away he goes, precious! Gone gone gone, Smeagol is free!

2003-09-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

Not really much to post about.
The teacher for my driving course looks like capitain kirk from star treck >.<.

I detest the old city busses with a passion *grumbles*. damn vibrations

2003-09-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here doing my photo jounral for campout and I realized something, I am still in a very bitter mood. Possibly it's the emotional unstability I'm feeling at this point or maybe I was just bitter about the whole ordeal, needless to say, I'm feeling relatively anti-social and cynical. *sigh* don't you just love life?

2003-09-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

The bitterness continues.

After just getting over my last hairspray shock, (thanks to a lucky raffle win, teehee), another one shows it's ugly, but slightly more promissing face.....untill I see the agre restrictions. Minimum age 18 *fumes*. This is the one reason being 17 sucks, you're right on that borderline of adult and youth. Alot of people will understand what I mean here. THere are little oportunities open for those 12-16, and then you'll see one that says, 18-25......I say, what happened to all the 17 year olds? did we just fall off the face of the planet, or are we like 11 year olds. just on the verge of being a teenager but not quite, so the world is going to forget they exist to make life easier.
Difference is, the 17 year olds can make alot more noise.
Now I will explain why I am only ranting aobut the age here. As I said to my mother two days ago when the first email came 'if it was closer, like in manitoba, I would go no matter what. It'd hitchike if I had to'. I think the acting gods were listening. Low and behold I pop open my email this morning and these five words appear before me. "Auditions for Hairspray, in Winnipeg". I died. I thought that everything was on my side all of a sudden...and then...."we're looking for people ages 18-40". I died at that very moment. The surge of bitterness that had left me last night came back full force, almost harder then before.
So close, yet so far. Money and age stand in my way. Oh and that pesky thing known as school.
Next time I decide to rant about wanting something to be closer, I"m going to make sure I cover all the details.

2003-09-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

Posting something I posted last night but it isn't being very nice.

Total Breakdown.

It's not as bad as it sounds, really it isn't. The reason for this totaly out of noware post has to do with the excessive amount of emails my father recently forwarded me on auditions ect.

I'm happily scrolling along, when I come across this one. This is the thing I only dream of every other day. The musical Hairspray......a musical I would sell my body to preform in. Me the little obsessive one I am start to freak out....then start to cry as I realize that it's being produced in Toronto. *sobs*
And if it's any insight to you people who have no idea what i'm talking about. I saw the thing about 10 minutes ago. I've been sitting hear rocking in my chair, chewing on my fingers and wimpering. Ever since I heard the music I've been in love with this musical. I dreamed of being in it and preforming infront of an audience. but noooooo it has to be being produced in Toronto *grumbles*. I"m going to be bitter for a VERY long time.

::: posted by Eir J at 8:43 PM

2003-09-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

Worrysome.

I got a random email from someone I havn't talked to in a long time. It worrys me. We ended on very bad terms and it frightens me to think of why this person might be trying to contact me. Even if it was just a small photo of some cartoon smiling. For all I know this person is reading this very post right now smiling, thinking that they got to me by sending me this random email.

No, it hasn't gotten to me, it's just made me wonder why they sent me this email. Considering the last few things I ever said to this person were not entierly kind, but oh well. I'll just deleet and continue to forget that they ever existed. All I will say is if you are actually reading this (you'll know exactly who you are): thanks to you I now have a code of ethics for my friendships.

2003-09-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

Tourmoil sucks. People say things without thinking and end up offending/hurting other people. Then people get overly defensive at the wrong time. UG, Bloddy hypocrites.

2003-09-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

I'm back from campout. I'm tried, grumpy, anti-social, and I want food. I had a good time, and I have some photos that you can look through once I upload them. People are interesting, ect. ect. ect. Incredably lazy and non caring at the moment.

All I'll say is this.
The strangest feeling in the entire world is someong licking &/or kissing your eye.... *shudders* Never ever again, never ever again.

2003-09-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'm going to campout.....YAY! ehem. I'll talk to you all on Friday, don't miss me too much. :)

Love Ya

EDIT:
I just finished packing....I hate packing, I've always hated packing. Yet I always like to go away. Damn complications.
It will be an interesting weekend to say the least. Archery, Canoeing, 'trust activities', ect. Yes it will be interesting. Although I'm quite curious if all the girls who put on all that black goth makeup every day, if they're going to do that at campout....if they do....i'll laugh, teehee.

Anyway, farethee well. i have to be up at 5. wheeeee.

2003-08-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day. But we did good.

all I am going to say for now, and I probably wont be posting for a wile, is the reason I always say 'I love you' to the people I care about and love with all my heart. Why do I say this? Because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

People may say I'm a sap, but I hope at this rate I'll never be in the situation ware I will be regreting not saying it.

Why do things die? To show us how precious life is.

2003-08-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

like Jeanne told me, i seem to update for afew days and then go dormant for afew, ect. oh well. it's only because I'm unenspired to write things, or maybe I just don't have anything to write. I don't know.

I'm confused at the moment, and it's not due to anyone who reads this. Superiority among society is what is bothering me, because no matter ware you go people always seem to have this need to be better then someone else. Yes people can be better at one thing then someone else, or maybe that person has been someware longer then another, is that not the place for the more experenced person to step forward and teach the inexperenced one? Is it not the place of that persons superior to help them both? Just because you may be new at something or new someware does not render you incompitent.
respect must be earned, yes this is true, but the respect is not just one sided. no I may have to earn theirs, but i will take them alot longer for me to respect them again.

2003-08-23T21:49:00.000-07:00

Your Captain Barbossa
You're always in control. Your indepentdent as
well. You usually make sure that you get what
you want.

-x-What charater from Pirates of the Carribbean are you?(with pictures)-x-
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Elizabeth Swan "Taylor". Although
you are a nice young lady, you are quite
independant and hate to be tricked. In the
beginning of the movie you are pretty much a
sissy, in the end you turn out alright.

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

goodness me, I'm sitting here looking at my keychain and I realize.......I have a peice of sterlings hair....

excessive amounts of people, amusing none the less.

my wonderful lesbian necklace is comming to school with me tomorrow, and i am going to continue to wear my lesbie friends pin. A repeat of todays strange events will not be friendly at all, and if they happen again, i will hold up my necklace, smile and walk away. At least I wont use the person to get stuff and then tell them. No, I'm not that horrible......anymore....yet.....ARG, ok yes I would do that but common, i've been in school 3 days. *sigh* anyway, this is a totaly pointless random post because I'm tired and hungry.

2003-08-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

yes this is supposed to me sleeping.

short and sweet, it was a good day. Tomorrow will be another interesting escaped in my adjustment into school again.
Yes i'm adjusting but my sleep schedual is a little messed up and i'm excessivly tired.
Anyway, I have to get up early wilst all you evil people get to sleep in. *shakes fist* oh well, this was my own decision and I'm very happy I did it :). (thanks to some encuraging and kind words from a friend).

So that is all I will say and I'm about to fall asleep. Until next time.

'we learn everything from tv.....like invador zim for example' - pat

2003-08-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I do something I havn't done in 4 years. Actually go to school.

Yes i've been going to school the past 4 years but it's been at home, on the computer, ware I could sleep in until all hours of the afternoon. Nope, now I get to get up in the morning.....great.

I am calm, I am cool, I can collected........I am so bloody nervous. But I'll be ok. I need to do this. *breathes* this is going to be interesting....

2003-08-17T17:03:00.000-07:00

When in doubt....buy shoes.
THe search for the perfect pair of pants continues. now to the internet to find what I need. Alas, as afew people know, if i'm in a nervous or any other related mood if I go shopping I spend to much. Well not today *smiles sproudly* I only spent 5$ on shoes >.<, 5$ for shoes that make me 5-6 inches taller, HAHAHAHA. ehem, shush you tall people. you try being short for a day.

so yes, i baught something. I added a new pair of shoes to my already too large collection.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you know what's sad?? When you've put so many books on hold you have your library card number memorized.

2003-08-16T23:37:00.000-07:00

Boiled, not fried.

Alas I have discovered the down side to taking an overly long shower with the heat on full. It causes for a very unpleasent sensation afterwords.
As most people know I seem to dye my hair frequently, at this time the phase is black. Blake pearl to be exact, nice and shiny and isn't blue or purple. No, if I wanted to be blue or purple, I would just dye my hair blue or purple. No I like black pearl. It's a wonderful colour isn't it San?
After putting up with much pain, angsiety, and the occasional swear of rise of my hand to try and hit my mothers hand. I finally got my roots done. Not without the usual greif that comes along with doing it at home. I like to have help because, well, I have too much hair and I"m not that talented. So I let my mother do it, so far she's done good jobs, even though alot of the time she doesn't like the colour. After waiting the required 30 minutes, I like to add on an extra 10 so I waited 40, I tridged upstairs to the shower to wash out the dye and then save my hair from certain doom and add the 'revitalizing conditioner'.

That's reasuring isn't it? You go to dye your hair, you see the people on the box with smooth silky hair. Then you open the package, mix the dye and read the instructions. "after the water was run clean, massage in revitalizing conditioner". To what? To retreaive whatever shine might be left and to save your hair from certain doom of falling out. That's a pleasent thought. "I just spent 16$ on hair dye. 45 minutes putting it in my hair. 30 minutes waiting for it to set. 50 minutes trying to get all the bloody dye out. and then 5 minutes to try and save my hair from falling out" You spend all that time trying to get your hair a certain way and then you put conditioner in it to 'revitalize'....hmm, what does that word sound like. Revive.....oh that's not a happy thought. "BREATHE DAMN YOU BREATHE. I KNOW YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!!!! COME ON DAMN YOU.....IT'S ALIVE!!!!!". Wouldn't that be amusing. revitalize your hair, and watch it walk off with your neighbors toupe'....

Alas we still like to torture ourselves with this constant battle to see how long we can continue to dye our hair before it decides to take the long read down the drain with the water.

My torture does not stop there. As mentioned it took be 50 minutes to get the dye out. 50 minutes before the water would 'run clear' as they call it. Sticky stuff dye is, pesky too, why wont you just go away damn you.
After spending the average 5 minutes putting the 'revitalizing conditioner' in my hair and washing it out. I step out of the shower....now that's an odd feeling. SKin feels smooth, and there's a strange tingely sensation all over my body......DEAR GOD I"VE BEEN COOKED!! Yes, I spent too much in in hot water and look what happens, I'm slightly red, with ann odd tingeling sensation. I don't like it one bit.....so this is what it feels like to be a turkey.

2003-08-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

all i can say is this.

I'm overwhelmed, scared, nervious, and really stressed out about monday.

2003-08-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here waiting patiently for the phone to ring. Not just because I want to hear your voice, but because I want to know your reaction.

I'm going to possibly be trying fencing. Anyone want to take classes with me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh goodness me. I'm sitting here shaking excessivly. Not crying, just shaking. Overwhelmed with everything. Tomorrow I must remember not to wear makeup for it will all end up running.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*shakes fist* damn you ageguess.com. how you have drawn me in and now i'm addicted, BLAH TO YOU TOO!!!!!!!

2003-08-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

My Harry Potter obsession strikes again
http://www.comingsoon.net/cgi-bin/imageFolio.cgi?direct=Fantasy/Harry_Potter/Harry_Potter_and_the_Prisoner_of_Azkaban&img=
http://www.angelfire.com/ultra/hpfan/prisonerofazkabanpics.html

and this quote from the 5th book makes me laugh.
"Well,"said Ron finally,looking up at Harry."How was it?"
Harry considered for a moment.
"Wet,"he said truthfully.

2003-08-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I'm going to write at all the rest of this week. Too many sad and depressing issues are poking at my brain right now and I have not the power to fix any of it. So until friday at least.

'This week has long and hard writen all over it'

edit:
Oh fun....... and so it begins. I have an audition workshop this sunday for 1-5, and then I go an audition for the frog prince on the 6th of september. oh dear.
Cora and San, if you are interested in either of these I'll send you the email.

2003-08-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

I'm so fed up.

Most of humanity dissapoints me. people in power dissapoint me. Money crazed people dissapoint me. Kids who are so fucking spoiled they hardy have to pay any of their own rent (those who live in thier own). Where's the justice?
I shall work backwards on this rant.

When a person moves out they gain freedom, responsibility, and as it seems, arrogance. How does one gain knowledge of what it's like to live on your own when most of your rent is being paid for? It's like living in your parents basement and paying them to live there as if it's your own place. Isn't part of moving out learning how to manage your money properly...learning how to be responsible? How is a person supposed to live in the every day world if you think that all your money is going to be handed to you on a silver platter. I'm curious what's going to happen once all that money has stopped.

Money crazed people. Isn't everyone like that though? Yes and no. Yes everyone is in a contant need for money it seems these days, it's one thing to work someware like harvey's to get a little money. yes it's a horrible job but it's still money right? What do you do when a person is going to be paid to do something that someone else enjoys doing? When you work in a situation ware you're dealing with alot of people and being a representative you have to want to do it. It bothers me that there are people who will do that job for free. and then someone comes along who could possibly take over and they might get paid, but of course they'll only do it if they get paid. Geeze, if you don't like something, don't bloody do it. You say you want the money for rent? Bull shit, you hardy pay any rent at all you spoiled little hypocrite.

And last but not least people in power dissapoint me. Don't they all though? No, this isn't a political rant about how stupid our premier is, the world already knows that and doesn't need to be reminded that, tada, you voted him in. No people who are in power and compleetly abuse it. How often do people work together that don't get along? Millions, but you have to grin and bare it. If you go about your life trying to get people sacked because you dislike them you're not going to get very far and people will start to hate you. yes that bothers me quite alot and it's making me quite mad. Don't people ever stop to think that the world doesn't revolve around them and that whatever they say usually doesn't go. No people are ignorant that way. Then again, maybe it's just the people who's heads are so high in the clouds their starting to have altitude issues. Yes I think that's the kind of people I'm getting at. Ignorant, immature, know-it-alls. Yes, they annoy me. And what makes it worse, these kind of people make other peoples lives misserable.

Yes these kinds of people should stay out of power, then again, everyone else is too smart to want to do something like that. We just like to sit back and bitch, saying we could do it so much better but we don't want to get involved in the politics. *sigh* it's a vicious vicious cycle.

That's all I really can say without using names or going into too much detail. But it deffinately feels better.

(side note, i avoided using names out of respect for others, and I don't want to make issues for myself. And if you read this and think i might be talking about you, I probably am.)

2003-08-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well those were two very eventfull days I must say. Spent most of it with Cora of cousr cause she just got back, much fun much fun.
Clare was in town today. oh that was so nice to see someone from con again. So we scampered around the city for a wile talking, laughing, and having a wonderful time. The extensive amounts of inside jokes that have been created now are frightening, oh dear. Look what happens when people havn't seen eachother for a wile. They go insane.
Oh there's so much I want to write but alas I'm far to tired to think.
I will type this thought: Cora, Clare and I convered without converting. It's such an interesting way of putting it. So now we have a goal to get mike to come to church, we think he will.
Althought I think we might have scared him. 'the saturated lesbian, the raging bisexual, and the visiting straight girl from winnipeg.' Ahh it's like the three stooges....only better :).

You never realize how much you miss someone untill they're gone. Well it's more so when it sinks in that they're going to be gone for a wile. Yes that is a much better way of putting it. Not much longer now....school starts next week, ACK!!!! shit I have to do back to school shopping, greeeat.

I'm tired and I want a nap. so I think I will go indulge in that fine state of the subconcious.

2003-08-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

*convulses and dies*. *sobs*. when we were driving to lackland art gallary during my vacation we passed these large sandy colourd cranes. We stopped and they moved to fast and i didn't get a picture. they were beautiful. excredably loud too.
Now after doing some research I realized that they were two immature whooping cranes. *falls over*

~~~~~

as promissed I'm going to put my photos up for all to see. I just finished doing all my little comments on them too. Alot of the pictures of myself i really detest but i put them up anyway cause i wasn't paying attention. anyway, here they are.

photos 1, and 2
a warning it will take you a wile to go through them all as there are over 400 photos

2003-08-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm home at last. And so happy to be at that.

After spending two weeks up in Northern Saskatchewan without any way of contacting those I love, I think I've either lost a little sanity, or grown up far to fast.
There are so many things I want to say, but I can't seem to remeber what it was now. Maybe I'll go back through my entries from each day the past two weeks and figure out what it is. Although it seems more that I'll just keep those thoughts to myself and the select few.
I took over 400 pictures, don't ask me how, it just happened. I'm in the process of uploading them right now and you shall all see them in their glory.
Unlike my friends who seem to have shrunk in two weeks, I've mannage to stay at the same weight, which in y case makes me quite happy. For I always seem to gain weight on vacations, alas, I will lose it.

Now that I think about it, I must remind myself to add Lana and Kim to msn. Two people I met up in Lac La Ronge. My dad's old best friends youngest children. Yes I met someone from my dad's childhood, oh dear. (someone who I might add he hasn't seen in 41 years)
We spent a day up there, driving around. It was interesting. Their dog makes me laugh. It obsessive compulsive over rocks, and the poor thing has little nubs for teeth now. You'd think it would have a heart attack if you didn't throw a rock for it.

Speaking of driving, road rage anyone? ok you're all right, it's funny what you do when you're parents aren't looking.
No I'm not that bad, just slightly. I've found the faster I go the harder it is to stay around 100. *sigh* Without realizing I've found myself driving 130 down the highway in Northern Saskatchewan. How fun it is to freak out my parents. No, I'm a good driver. I enjoy it. I drove for about 2 1/2 hours on the way home. from Kindersley to Hana. I think that's 2 1/2, maybe it's about three actually. *shrugs* Going to be taking classes asap, so I can start to drive in the city without my parents freaking out.

~~~~~

now this is going to sound very very strange to everyone, and I will try my best to not offend anyone.
In a way I needed that vacation. I don't know what it was. I realized this on Wednesday when I had a taste of the computer for 10 minutes. I had time to read one email which made me want to cry. Then i realized something. For the past two weeks in a sence I was lost in some world I compleetly forgot about the rest of it.
Trying to make this sound nice but in a way I didn't miss anyone but in another way I missed them terrably. If you read the jurnal entries I had, there's always something mentioning the two very important people in my life. I guess I was so caught up in everything, I forgot to miss people. But when I got down to it and thought I did. Yes that's what it is. I ended up so caught up in the moment of everything i forgot that I had a life outside of Weyackwin. yes that's the explanation I was looking for.

How funny it is that I can sit infront of the computer and type all the things I want to say but when I"m writing I can't as much because I think to fast. If i could write as fast as I typed then I'd be happy.

~~~~~

I drew three drawings wile I was up there, all within about 2 hours. One of them is for you San. The second one is what I wanted to draw after walking a labarynth. The other one is just a faerie, if you want it Cor, be my guest.
Ohh now I want to go drawing again.

But no, I must wait untill I'm done uploading.

My friends were constantly in my dreams. Constantly in my head *sigh*, oh well it's all i had at the time.

I will post the photos in a minute.

2003-07-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

ok ok ok I give......YAY THIS IS FUN!!!!!!! ehem, lol.
So It was the first day of my two day musical theatre workshop and I have to say I have missed this so much. I had fun, I met some really interesting people and I'm ready to go back and record it tomorrow (speaking of which, if you read this when you get home cor, can I borrow your poodle skirt?). my coordination sucks, as usual, but i'm getting it :).
And to make it tuns of fun it's hairspray music and they have a drummer, pianist and a guriarist playing the music and it sounds amazing.
I have to say i'm pretty impressed and I"m going to be signing up for their courses next year.

anyway I"m off to practice driving for a wile. bye all, I'll update before I leave.

2003-07-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

A quick post before I"m off to musical theatre training.....I HAVE TO DANCE. i can't dance, i'm not coordinated at all. i'm nervous and freakin out. I'll update later on tonight.

*convulses*

2003-07-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

Rotten popsicle, and I mean it litterally.

After putting up with the all day and trying to avoid eating any hot foods, I found myself craving the small frozen juice on a stick that everyone hates but love, the popsicle. Most comming the the ever so boring flavours of orange, cherry, and grape.
But allas, for there have been no popsicles in this house for quite some time.
I am hungry, but only for the elusive popcicle. So I have some options. Dig through my change and find enough to buy a box, or wait until my father is free to go get some.
Neither of these end up being the outcome, for my father was having the same craving and went out and braught them without prompting. Craving fed, or so I thought. Being as hot as it is right now I endluge in the popsiles that are now at my disposal.
Odd they are, seeming slightly underfrozen. Then again, maybe i's the brand. I figure this must be the reason for the odd texture that the frozen mixture of sugar, water and artificial flavouring is giving.
An hour later as I go to yet again break a popcicle in half, I realize the odd taste it gives off. Not thinking of it I eat it. Realizing after that I have the strangest taste of mould in my mouth. Pulling out the stick I notice it's strange colour.
Could it be? That the makers of these popsicles don't take the time to realize that the wood they are using is rotten? Could these people be risking my health selling thse products that could possibly cause me an upset stomach or food poisioning?
I place the stick on the desk and lightly bear some weight down on the stick, as most of them have a little give.....this one did not, it broke in half without a noise.
Soon to realize, yes, this company doesn't take the time to realize that the wood they received to make their popsicles from is rotten.
Well there goes that craving.

EDIT: by the way, the brand was 'Polar, Nestle'

2003-07-15T23:56:00.000-07:00

I have been diligently working on my math for the past two days, almost done this module.
And then it finally sinks in.....I get my allowance back at the end of this month, and all the money that my father owes me for the past 6 months, (and if you know anything about my allowance, that's alot of money at once).
ok enough about money.

The computer issue has been solved. The whole thing overheated becaue the fan thingy inside it broke, *sigh* at least my father knows how to fix it and I am back to sitting here, looking at silly cartoons, wanting to spend money online to buy clothes and talking to random people.

Anyway, I'm going to go do my dailies and then go back to my math.

Do you think I've done too much math? I'm starting to have the strangest dreams involving quadratic equations.......

2003-07-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

As I sit here trying to ignore my back pain and try to figure out something to do I realize something.....my mom took my hairbrush with her.........

I'm not your average girl but there's one thing I must always have at hand, and that's a brush. I have excessive amounst of hair, and it's semi long, and when it's tangled, it's tangled and a comb just wont do. After loosing two brushes already because she insists on using them (her hair is short, it doesn't need to be brushed damn it), I had to resort to a icky brush that wasn't that great, but it worked.
So I sit here with serious bed head trying to figure out ware a brush might be so I can brush my hair and feel....awake. Most of my hair seems to have fallen into place, but my long bangs are icky an dtangled and they look like a wig at the moment. This is one thing I always hate about having alot of hair. It looks like a wig sometimes. You'd think that with natural highlights it wouldn't but alas, it does.
The past few days I've had to resort to using a comb to brush my hair. Doesn't work that great, my hair still sticks up, and I already broke one....

The fact that I'm sitting here talking about brushes and combs is kind of depressing me, I think I'll go do math now....

2003-07-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

Inspired by my excessive boredom and no place to put the pictures I have, I've decided to put them all up on one wall in my room. It's taking a long time but I never realized I had so many pictures before.
I sorted them into groups so it would be easier to put them up; people from my past / con / people from the present/ concert pics / family / dogs / vacations (weyackwin). Some of them made me giggle and laugh remembering taking the picture wile others leave me with a cold feeling in my stomach. Those ones might not go up on the wall, then again they might. Or maybe I'll just leave an empty space on the wall ware the picture would've gone. The pictures that left me with this cold feeling are the ones of jennifer, jana-lynn, and lisa. All of these people I have pasts with, all very different but all the same. The friendships all ended abruptly without much of a fight to keep them. Maybe they were ment to fall appart, one ending because of blackmail issues, one ending before of the other persons greifs, and the other one ending first becasue of schools and now because i'm gay. I havn't decided yet if all the pictures are going to go up on the wall, maybe I'll take those pictures and hide them in the upmost corner of the wall, so if I ever see them tehy can remind me of the mistakes I made with those friends so I can try not to do the same in the future and the now.

There's pictures of me when I'm 5, young, innocent, dependant, addorably cute. That's the youngest picture of myself on my wall, the oldest one is one from into the woods. 12 year difference yet some things are still the same in both pictures. Smile, hair colour (surprisingly), eyes. If anyone says hight I might have to hurt them.
I don't konw my subconcious motive for putting these pictures up but there must be some, as I've been wanting to do this for the past week, visualizing it, but not doing anything about it. This could take awile as I probably have a good 200 pictures spread out over my bed. I'll take a picture of it for you all to see.

Along with the wall I seem to be trying to redo my room. My dresser becoming a place ware I keep my most valuble or meaningful items. Afew trolls, my incence, my wood flute, warm fuzzies from con, a contract on a napkin, and pictures of my friends and dogs.

Reading over this realizing there really wasn't a point of posting this, maybe I'm using it as my communication to everyone else, who knows. But it's there, and I've been told many times to never deleet something that's been writen. The first copy usually has the best content. (just like the fifth harry potter book, *grumbles*)

and as I finished this post the sound of thunder echoed through my empty house, why do I feel like i'm stuck in a cheesy horror movie all of a sudden.....

2003-07-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

hehehe
ok now i'm having too much fun

2003-07-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

It's 10:30, i'm sitting in a boiling hot house and i'm happy.......i think at least. anyway
As most of my friends know I've been wanting to see the league of extrodinary gentlemen, I finally got to see it tonight and I did enjoy it. Then again i sort of looking at the abilities of the actors, and everyone loves Sean Connery (ok ok not everything but I do think he's a well accomplished actor). I like fantasy type movies and being able to draw in so many charactesr from different old stories is nice.
I did find though that the movie moved to quickly and it was difficult to see what was actually happening. The humer is very very british wich would explain the excess of laughing at the more amusing/sarcastic lines.
I enjoyed the movie but i suggest just waiting for it to come to video.
http://us.imdb.com/CommentsShow?0311429

2003-07-12T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have to say i'm going to repost this and the comment made by my best friend cause it just made my day, hehe.

Original Post:
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a bug?

Runing around on the ground all day dodging spiders and birds. Hiding under rocks, inbetween flowers.
Working so hard to get to your desired place of rest.......only to be stepped on by someone and left as a gooey substance on their shoe.
I wonder what it looks like to those bugs who are about to be stepped on. A large shadow comming down ontop of them, their legs too short to help them run faster, and the last thing they see is a small hint of light before they're crushed.
maybe that's why bugs bite back......

EDIT: It amuses me how people interpret things. This post actually has no meaning to it what so ever, I was walking my dog and stepped on a bug and then wondered how it must feel to be that bug.

Sanfords Comment:
I'm just wondering how the bug describes the noise it makes afterwards. "Was I a squelch? I hope I wasn't a squelch, that would be so embarassing. Remember marty? He was a splat. That's the way to go, splatting. What will they say on my tombstone? 'Here lies Jon, The Squelcher.' I thought we were supposed to die with dignity!"

That totaly made my day when I read it, hehe. All the love in the world to you babe

2003-07-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

Wilse sitting here and surfing around the net for something entertaining to do, I came across a page of quotes which happen to have miss translations.
It amused me greatly to see this:
In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
I wonder if they were using an online translator.....

EDIT:
a list of oxymorons just for the hell of it.

1. Government Organization
2. Alone Together
3. All natural artificial flavor
4. Silent Scream
5. Lving Dead
6. Same Difference
7. Taped Live
8. Plastic Glasses
9. Tight Slacks
10. Peace Force
11. Pretty Ugly
12. Head Butt
13. Working Vacation
14. Tax Return
15. Virtual Reality
16. Dodge Ram
17. Work Party
18. Jumbo Shrimp
19. Healthy Tan
20.Microsoft Works

an even more random useless stuff. save or help cancle a show, haha. i love it.

2003-07-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

As you can probably see I decided to change my blog slightly, new quotes, title ect. Wile on my search for quotes to place on this page I came across this quote which amused me greatly.

Fate protects fools, little children and ships named 'Enterprise'

If you notice the increase in posts in the next week it's either because, a i'm getting really bored/lonely not being around my friends. or b, my mom is away all this week and i don't know what to do.
more then likely I'll end up with odd random posts like lastnight. think of them what you may, say what you like about them, all of it comes out randomly.
and it made sence in my head damn it.

2003-07-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

I want to run into a feild of daisy's, fall down in the midst of them and dissapear.
I want to lye and stare at the cloud formations,
watch the birds flying from tree to tree.
I want to see the flowers blowing in the wind infront of my face.
I want it to be silent.
Silent in a way ware it is loud.
I want birds to sing,
The wind to whistle as it dances through the flowers.
I want to close my eyes and listen to natures silence.
I want the occasional pettal from wilted flowers to fall on my face.
I want the flowers and grass to blow in my face and obstruct my view of the sky.
I want to get annoied at the fact that I can't see the clouds.
I want to feel the cold earth beneith me as I lye there.
I want to get bored of one spot and get up and start to run.
I want to run barefoot through the feild.
I want to feel that I have no limitations and that I can do anything I want.
I want to fall on my stomach purposly and feel the contact with the ground.
I want to lye in the feild of daisy's in silence.
I want to dissapear again, and pretent that none can see me.
I want to fall asleep watching the sunset over the miles of white flowers.
I want to wake up to morning drew on my face.
I just want to be
All I want now.....is someone to share it with.

2003-07-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

That first post was kind of....what's the word, fluffy I guess you could say.

You may have noticed that the picture for my blog has changed. ya i'm feeling dark right now. (and i like the picture >.<)

People have differnt ways to feeling power or in control of their destiny or life.
Everyone finds that one way to take the rains on their life and lead it ware they want it to go.
I feel this when I walk right down the middle of a road at midnight. I like to see if the cars will move out of the way, they all do.
I guess some might say i like to play in trafic, but no. I live on a busy street and wouldn't dare to walk down the middle of it in broad daylight.
For there are too many cars. to many stuborn people who probably wouldn't move, or maybe even try to run me off the road.
But when i waslk down the middle of the road I feel like I have some kind of control over something I can't quite explain.
Some may call it crazy or thrill seaking but to me it's not. It's just a simple case of ware I walk, for i get no thrill from it. i want a thrill? I'll go skydive.
I just like walking down the middle of the street at night, when things are most quite and I can listen to myself think.

2003-07-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting week....ok that's a lie, it's been boring. I've been working on calm alot and just sitting with my dog outside in my backyard.
I sold programs at the stampede today.... it was fun, except for the fact my feet hurt, but that will pass.
I got offered a job to sell programs and other assorted parifanalia at flames games next season because supposedly i sound good when i sold the programs today and i had a good presence about myself.....odd. i get offered a job because i was being manipulative and loud.....that must say something about my personality....i guess.
*shrugs*
for the first itme in a long time i'm not look forward to going on vacation. why? we have to leave my dog jasper behind. I'm not used to this, he's not used to this. i'm a wuss when it comes to my dog I guess, overly paranoid? ok yes that too. but i love my dog, because he'll always love me. i dunno, i'm attached to my dog, quite a bit, i don't know how i'm going to deal with this but i'll try......

2003-07-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

ehehehehehehe, I'm very very bored today. >.<
http://straightahead.keenspace.com/d/20011118.html
http://straightahead.keenspace.com/d/20011225.html
http://straightahead.keenspace.com/d/20020730.html
http://straightahead.keenspace.com/d/20020917.html
http://straightahead.keenspace.com/d/20021029.html
http://straightahead.keenspace.com/d/20030429.html

2003-07-05T01:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a bug?

Runing around on the ground all day dodging spiders and birds. Hiding under rocks, inbetween flowers.
Working so hard to get to your desired place of rest.......only to be stepped on by someone and left as a gooey substance on their shoe.
I wonder what it looks like to those bugs who are about to be stepped on. A large shadow comming down ontop of them, their legs too short to help them run faster, and the last thing they see is a small hint of light before they're crushed.
maybe that's why bugs bite back......

EDIT: It amuses me how people interpret things. This post actually has no meaning to it what so ever, I was walking my dog and stepped on a bug and then wondered how it must feel to be that bug.

2003-06-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Got back from an interview. I'm officially going back starting the 18th of august *falls over*

2003-06-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

Random outburts from random strangers make no sence to me. Yes I have had the occasional person say a snide remark to me but I have always been able to say something inreturn. Tonight no, for no apparent reason, wilst walking my dog some stragers drive by yelled whore at me. I have no idea why they did this and I had nothing I could say back to it, all that was running through my mind was that two people that have ruined my life in the past and I dispise were sitting in the back seat laughing. I still wonder what I did. I'll never know but all I am is confused right now.

I'm not having a good week.

2003-06-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Havn't updated recently, because I havn't had much to say. To much has happened in the past little wile to really put into words.
And I don't know how long i'm going to write because i feel about 80....my back hurts, yes i'm going to get it fixed tomorrow.
Reality hit me recently. A person I know is in the psyc ward at the hospital and it gave me a little bit of a reality check knowing that only afew weeks ago I could've been in there myself. I'm trying to figure out what to write after that but nothing is really comming to me.
I would stay on a simelar subject but because I'm being an idiot I'm goign to censor myself and go write it all on my other blog.

This was really a pointless post.......

EDIT:
that was really pointless, I try to write it all out and it just makes things worse. I'm not going to be updating for awile, I need to get my life back in order.
Once I get a job I'm moving out, My friends are welcome to join me.

2003-06-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

After being banished from the computer for who knows how long, I have found a small amount of time to get on here and go through the daily things I would normaly go to, and then it hit me........I don't do much on the computer except for communicate. That's important right? of course it is.........

During this past week there have been so many things I wanted to write on hear but didn't have the oportunity to. Now that inspiration is gone, the creative moment has passed. No longer do I feel the need to write out something heartfelt and meaningful, so I give you, fluff. An excessive amount of random gibberish that I hope will make sence. A combination of all the things running through my mind that I wanted to post but didn't have the oportunity. Now all comming out in a somewhat impersonal post because I have minimal time on here.

I got my mug book from canUUdle this past monday. It was interesting sitting there and flipping through the pages seeing who I actually knew and those people who I never had the time to get to know. I counted, 17 people, there were 17 people out of the 81 in that mug book I didn't get to know at all, I didn't even know existed. 17 people I could've had the oportunity to get to know, there's always next year right? If anyone can find me next year >.<.
That mug book also made me realize another thing......besides the fact that I detest my own picture, poloriod cameras are fun. And taking pictures of unsuspecting joggers is not always the best idea. But it's the best way to take pictures of sleeping people. Innocent, helpless, sleeping people. People are beautiful when they sleep, (hey it's better then saying I like to watch people sleep, cause that's just creapy).

It's the beginning of pride week.....should I not be happy and joyful that I can run without fear of being pursictued for my way of life? Yes and no. As most of the pride related events are for people who are over 18, it seems as if even the gay cummity has forgoten that there are also youth who wish to take in the joys of pride week. I heard that there were people who were trying to get something going but alas, shit happened and that never went anyware. The parade should be interesting, and my sister even offered to march with me, I'm supposed to call her and tell her what I'm doing, but the initial shock is still sinking in.
There is one thing about being in the parade that might cause for some stress the next week. For that next weekend is fathers day..... (and i just realized that I'm already busy that day, HA). My stress from people in my family not knowing is eating away at me, and yes I have figured out a way to deal with it. And besides who wouldn't want to have a good debate with a christian?

Have you looked in the mirror recently? That question gave me an idea for a thing to do with my youth group, but I don't know how well it would work. But the idea is always there.
Have you looked in a mirror recently?
Then go look, tell me what you see.
What features do you pick out?
How many of those were supposed flaws that you see in yourself?
Now what if one of your closest friends was standing behind you?
Looking at your reflection.
Let them tell you what they see.
Do you hear the same things you heard yourself saying?
No, you don't.
For your friends see you for who you really are.
They don't see that slightly off center eyebrow,
or that strange ridge on your nose.
They see you, they see all the beauty in you that you cover up by only seeing flaws.
Your friends see you for you, because they know you.
Because they love you.

That would've been a nice note to end this post on wouldn't it? But there's still something else I know I'm forgetting.
I went to choir last night, why? Not to sing really, yes I sat there and sang the songs I was supposed to. But I was there more-so because I love being there. It's the one place ware I truly feel safe. I consider that my home, this hosue that I'm in right now just doesn't cut it. Maybe it's because when I go to that church I usually get to see people I care about. But even when they're not there, there is this feeling of love always there. yes I now it's not always safe but, is there any place that is always 100% safe? No, no there isn't. But I feel safe there, and that's what matters to me. (yes even in the dark)

Sit with someone in silence.
Sit with them and don't say a word. Just sit and be.
Be in the presence of another person.
Sit with them and listen if they need you,
But don't say anything. Just listen.
Sometimes the most powerful messages,
Are the silent ones.
I sat with someone the other day, I didn't speak because I couldn't find any words. But at the same time, I don't think I needed any. I understood what they ment, yet the words to try and describe that don't exist yet. So all I could do was sit and listen....and of course give the occasion hug if needed. Even though I hate silence, this time it was valuble. So just sit with someone you love, and don't say anything, just sit and be in eachothers presence. You'll be pleasently surprised.

I think I'm done writing now. Looking it all over I realize that it wasn't fluff at all. All of those things that I wanted to post I did...just all at once. I guess that little creative moment came back to me after all. Or maybe my memory kicked in *shrugs*, whatever the case, it's all out now. but still running through my head. More then likely I wont be able to get back on the net for a wile again. So I'll leave you with lots of random thoughts to try and comprehend.
Untill we meet again.....

2003-06-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

I come home from group and I find myself forcing myself to recite the principals of my religion.......This has never happened to me before. Why? Because I have never been so angered by someone before. So angered that I am forced to restrain myself by reciting something to keep myself from lashing out. I should've, I really should've.

After being told that I may soon have to find my own way to group I start to wonder about my father. These types of things have happened quite recently....but only when it comes to thing that have to do with gay pride. It makes me wonder just what he really thinks of me being 'open' shall we say. I have actually been instrected by him that I should keed my pride jewlery hidden when I"m not at group or church. Is this the same person who only 2 years ago was encuraging me to go to group? oh right, I was bi then, and quite closeted.
There have recently been many issues with my father on this subject and arguments arise. Do i have respect for him? no, will i ever again? probably not.
I dread the day i bring a girlfriend home to meet my parents.

2003-06-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

sometimes the most powerful messages are silent

2003-05-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

I found an old diary of mine toady, the one i kept on disc.......it frightened me.

2003-05-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

So many things I wish I could say,
No words can describe,
Though I have tried many times,
It never comes out right.
You walked beside me,
You listened to me,
Greatful I will always be for that.
All though you may not understand,
Why I keep saying it.
Thank you, you're a guardian angel to me.

2003-05-30T19:49:00.000-07:00

I just saw my aunt today.....my favorite aunt. She looks so sick. I love her so much and she dieing. I've said it before that I've never delt with a loss like that. And it scares me, alot.
So all I can do is cherrish the time I have with her now (and go to the funny little party her book store is holding on the 20th of june, so funny).

No real feeling for writing right now. But to amuse those who come here, I heard an amusing line on will and grace today that i must share.

"Now that's the pot calling the kettle tope."

2003-05-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

ahh fuck it, life is wonderful. Just did a little emotional flip here, detached a little you might say. but hey, it's fine with me, and hell it works. life is good, i'm getting off the stupid emotional rollar coaster cause fuck, if i staied on it anymore i'd throw up or never get off. and there's no point to staying on it.
I can be to empathetic at times, and tooo caring sometimes and it pisses people off, so that wont happen as much. yes i still care for people, but it wont be so....annoying?

so this is what i've become, get used to it world.

2003-05-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

discoveries.....i can swear in my msn name, how fun.

as I sit here watching the computer screen hum back at me with no relative activness I start to wonder what happening to me.

I feel cut off from the world and every emotion i feel is negative, sad, cold, and sometimes hard and sinical. Maybe i'm trying to emotionally detach from the world because it's caused me so much pain.....maybe i'm just having some seriously aweful cramps. but still, i think about what life has given me.

I have been blessed and honored to have the most amazing friends in the entire world, and the most wonderful best friend/soul mate I could ever have asked for.
I've been given so many oportunities, I have my places to feel safe. I have the oportunity to give back to those communities who have made me feel so safe.
I have had the oportunity to meet many many wonderful people.

And i've never sat down to just look at everything i have. And now when I sit here writing this and thinking about all the wonderful things I have, I don't feel deserving of it all. I know it's a horrible thing to say, but since I stopped censoring this it's just how i feel.

We spend a really short time on this earth is relation to it's age. We try to make a difference in the world and make it a better place. I've tried, but I think now, before I keep trying. I need to make a difference in myself and accept myself.....why can't i

2003-05-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

I've had 3 showers, 2 baths, 2 LONG walks with my dog, I'm writen poetry and music....why is nothing working?

2003-05-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

taken off because i feel different about my situation now

2003-05-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

new discovery. recently have found out that flavoured condoms are thinner then the coloured ones, and if inflated are larger as well.
also i have found out that their ability to float with only c02 in them amazes me. sometimes i'm to easily amused.

2003-05-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

just cause it amuses me

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

2003-05-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

Con pictures here

2003-05-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

i'm back.

as like last year, con was amazing. bonds were formed, people fell in love, people got closer. it was a weekend that in a way i needed.
i can't really put into words what con is like, even though i have tried many times. it's an experence unlike most, and it's a place to feel safe.
it's like walking in a feild full of daisy's and finding the single rose that's there. it's special, it's an escape from reality.
the quickness at which bonds are formed is amazing. you're put in a situation ware you have to live with people you don't know for a short amount of time and you want to get to know them. you sleep with them, you play with them, you work with them, you wake up with them, you eat with them, you cry with them.
it's something i'm going to stop trying to explain because it's just to diffecult to do so.
when i see everyone again it will be wonderful. and to those who have fallen in love with someone at con, that's a love that's so strong, it's one of the magical things that happens at con, keep that love in your heart always.
for when you see them again, weather you cry, shake, or stand in paralisys.....it will be amazing, and they will still remember you, as you them. and that love will still be there.

it's amazing and wonderful what happens at these things.

"Tink of me, Forget me not,
Remember me, Wherever you go"
"Tink of me, Forget me not,
Remember me, Wherever you go"

"I am yours, and you are mine,
Remember me, Wherever you go."
"I am yours, and you are mine,
Remember me, Wherever you go."

2003-05-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

gone all weekend to con.
i'll be back tuesday.
don't miss me too much, :p

2003-05-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

today was fun.
my feet hurt.
only 2 and 1/2 more days.

and i've been receiving excessive amounts of mail from hooked on phonics. ok ok, so i know i'm not the best person when it comes to spelling, but seriously.

2003-05-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

BAH TO TRILLIAN. i can't send messages to people. BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH, no don't you dare think of sheering me, i may sound like a sheep but i'm not one. but i bite

2003-05-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

spider-mouse

After going to fabric land to retreave the needed fabric for the banner, i came home to 3 wonderful hours of pokemon. Then remembering that I had been told by my sister-in-law that I could have some of her scrap fabric, i saved my game, grabbed my shoes and headed out the door. upon arival and being greated by my oh so talkative nephiew, we trudged into her basement to look for the elusive fabrics i had been hunting for.

she pulls out the first box, we are uncessesful at finding what we need. as she walks back in i here her mutter a cry and call for me. i quickly walk over and she notices that there is mouse droppings all over her fabric. as we look for a place ware they might have come in, my nephiew happily walks in and trys to take a toy that isn't his. of course mar gets a little angry and i see a power strugle between a 37 year old woman and a 2 1/2 year old boy.

once getting the small child to leave and stay out, we start the gruling process of looking for fabric as well as mice, wile in teh process slowly taking everything out of the closet. hitting every box that mice could be in, i scare her at first. after being asked why i simply explain "so if there's something in there i can hear it squeek and i'm forwarned". this does not help the situation. and it keeps decrasing in positivity as i being more pesamistic. Being a person who's delt with mice before, i know full well the damage they can inflict to poor unsuspecting inanimate objects. i keep warning her of the damage they can cause and she keeps tryi ng to make the situation better. as wel dig through boxes we come across a pile bath boms that ban been chedwed up, thrown around, and tossed aside by some curious, hungry, and probably now dead mice. this was teh first sign of hope. thinking positively for once i say, "well if it ate that it probably died so if we find it, at least it wont be alive". of course that doesn't help much either.
half of the closet empty.
after clearing the floor we move up to a shelf with piles upon piles of presents that are to be given out in teh near future. wile pulling these out i'm being told to forget everything I see. so now i pretty much know what i'm getting for my birthday and christmas, not bad i must say, at least they havn't been crawled on by mice. as we slowly clean off shelf after shelf, she moves over to another shelf wile i fill a box with clothes. i look up in time to see her jump 2 feet off the ground.
of course i think she found a mouse. but i look and it's just a harmless house spider. after calming her down she tells me that she saw something move and without thinking thought it was a big grey harry thing, instead of a small brown leggy thing.
she shakes a bit, and keeps going. my nephiew walks in and being the mirror he is, starts shaking and spinning around. it's amusing really, but there's work to do with the emense amounts of stuff in this closet. unpon leaving, she tells me she's off to buy mouse stuff. i suggested spider repelant.

2003-05-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

like last thursday, here I am again, sitting here doing math and watching reruns of family guy and daft planet. *sigh* ah at least the humor is better this time around.
I'm almost done, just one more thing to write up, and then 2 more equations to graph and i'm done the module. the evil gruling pain of this thing will never end i tell you.
when i started this i thought it would be relatively easy, you know, the average 45 page module booklet. But as time as progressed, it has turned into an evil evil scheem to drive me crazy. not that i wan't already, but enough is enough.
my frist module was 45 pages, second 63. ok so 63 isn't that bad. it took a little longer but it was still fine. but the worst was yet to come. when asked by my mother if teh next module was the same size, i failed to remember the actual size and figured it would be about the same. no such luck. i have gome from a 2 cm thick booklet. to a 1 inch booklet. to a 1 1/2 inch booklet.
they're out to get me. 45, then 63, adn now 95. doing some careful calculations and considering what my father is expecting of me, i need to do half of the second one by friday. given that i have 3 days left, that would be 95/3 =42.5. 42.5 pages divided by 3 would be. well the closest multiple would be 14. so i could have to do 14 pages a day to get ware he wants me to be.....i really have been doing math for far to long now.

~~~~~~~~~

and on another note. it's 2:36 and i need to finish doing math. maybe i shuld figure out the average amount of pages i can do in an hour.....

2003-05-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

just a random quote for the day to make everything that's been so stressful go away for a 5 second laugh.
"Some women can't say the word lesbian....even when their mouth is full of one."
oh and how true it is.......

stress is not fun, too many things on erins mind at the moment. like how the youth group is going to pull 200$ out of someware. that'll be fun, *sigh*. stress is NOT FUN. so i'll go burn insence and sit and think about heather cause i get to see her soon

2003-05-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

ok so it's now 8am and i havn't slept since yesterday morning. i'm bitchy, cranky and i still have to get all that bloody math done, my mom caved at about 4 last night saying i'll be able to have the computer, but my dad is adiment, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
so to all my friends, it's gonna be the phone for a wile, or maybe just another two days so i can stay up all night again and get it done without ANY distractions. hey i got 28 pages done last night (each pages has about 5 different things to do). anyway, i'm off to continue. BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eir is not in a happy mood. so this is what it's like to stay up all night *grumbles*

Edit: so tired, need sleep. he finally caved thanks to my mom who flet sorry for me. HA, i have till friday of next week, now if you excuse me i'm going to take a well deserved NAP. BAH!!!!!!

2003-05-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

as promised, approximately 2 horus later i'm still up and working my butt off on my math, so far i've just compleeted another 1/3 of the math, adding that to the other 1/3 i had done before. i must say that it is not a good idea to stay up this late, i've already been yelled at once and i just recently looked up from the numbers and equations i'm calculating and writing out without thinking and it's light outside *sigh* i don't think i'm gonna get much sleep today.

now i must adu, cause i love to watch the sunday night sex show, lol.

2003-05-01T03:33:00.000-07:00

I have made a new discovery. really really really early in the morning....TLC plays educational childrens shows, not just ones with real actors but cartoon ones.....i'm enthraled